Reflections on Self – What do I Want ?
This is a hard question. I really don’t know where to start ! It is harder to find an answer when it comes to the material world just because we are in a continuous change. We are changing our minds too often to pin point what we want. And that is normal, it should be this way. What do we want from the material world should be nothing more than we need to make our dreams come true and to make us truly happy. And if that requires to change our minds often, we should. We need to put in the effort of really reflecting on this for it is easy to mistake what we think we want with what we feel we truly want. It isn’t very difficult to find arguments for something to swing in the totally wrong direction if we put our minds into it. But the truth lays deep within us and comes out just a split of a second in that first moment. Is like when you meet somebody for the first time and as soon as you lay your eyes on that person, you just know you don’t like them. They don’t really have to tell you much, they just have to be around you , many times just minutes, for you to feel that something is not quite right . An yet, if given the time to think, we fight this feeling, this instinct, and too often our feelings are proved right. It is the same when you see something or someone you like and you mind kills that feeling with superficial arguments. (I say that is what self confidence is all about….when you don’t let the fear of making a mistake control you into questioning that first moment when you feel something is right or wrong )
I can not deny I want some of the luxuries and comforts of the 21st century life. We all (at least those who are aware they exist) want them and there is not doubt about. But without trying to be modest, I want just enough of them to help me in my quest of making my dreams come true. I want to earn more so I can travel more. I want to buy a new camera and some more equipment so I can take better photos, more creative, more inspiring and unique. I want a car so I don’t waste more time than I need with my daily commute but rather do something more interesting . I want nothing different than any of you though my reasons might be questionable in certain cases , to say the least.(and I will leave it here)
To bring up the non-material ( which one may call dreams or ideals), first that comes to mind is wanting not to be bored. Sure that isn’t too special and it can be easily considered just a small day to day desire, but at times it is rather hard to achieve it, especially in the company of boring people. I do enjoy a good conversation, possibly with a drink or two only to enhance the moment as I sincerely dislike letting alcohol blur my mind to the point where I can not appreciate more than the horrible drunkenness.
I want people to really contemplate on the fact that they are dying.The final destination of our journey from birth is death. If we really give death a serious thought, and I mean really deep thought, we will find it will put life quite well into perspective.(As an example, very often the people that barely missed “passing through to the other side” have changed their outlook on life). You suddenly appreciate every moment more, you love more and hate less, you stop worrying for what you can’t control, you live a more fulfilling life and every second becomes more valuable as that might be your last. So I want people to consider spending some time and contemplate on this inevitable passing into nonexistance.
I want to have somebody to say “good evening” to as I enter through the door in the evenings.
We are social beings and we can not live alone. Even the loneliest person has a friend, being that real or imaginary. If you lack this desire it is widely accepted you are sick, but yet I seriously doubt there is any human being without having, at the very list, his imagination as a friend to share his happiness and sorrows with. And finding that friend in the one you share profound feelings of uncontrolled and unconditioned love with is worth more than anything else you could ever dream/
And the last but not at all the least, to cite Horace Mann’s injunction “until you have done something for humanity you should be ashamed to die”, I want to do something even if that is the last thing that I could do which is to become an organ donor .Though I like to brag without modesty that I can consider I’ve already done something in that direction, I would really be ashamed to die without doing it for as many times as I possible can.
To close this poorly structured post, I wish to tell you that I do not stretch and embarrass myself here with my writing skills just to look for some recognition or just to look interesting. I do it as I see that people stopped talking about themselves. Maybe if we will express what we really feel and want more often we will find that most of us, regardless of all other sociological differences ,are not so different after all. Maybe we will show more compassion,maybe we will fear less, love more and why not, on a personal level, have more self confidence and closer and more intimate relations. And if ever all of this will just make one and only one person think about it, without necesarly agreeing, it means that I achieved more than I have hoped to achieve. (I will stop here as I just realized ,re-reading , that I definitely lack inspiration and imagination. Hopefully the idea is clear and makes some sort of sense)
What do you want?