Reflections on Self – Who am I ?
Who am I ? … I will never believe those who say they found the answer to this question. For if you ever really search for an answer, you will find that it is impossible to ever know as you are never the same, you are in a continuous change. You are what is around you mixed with what you make of it. And you are always different. Even if just by a very small fraction, you are always different from whom you were a minute ago. Our brain can process 1 million bits of information per second while we can be conscious only of about two thousands bits per second (this is debatable, numbers may vary, the idea is important ). That makes it even harder to ever know who we truly are. The only certitude of who I am is now, when I feel my fingers pressing different keys on the keyboard, trying to express my thoughts in words, pressing my back against the chair, sipping some water to wet my dry lips. This is who I am now. But after I finish this? After my brain processed few more millions bits of information and after I become conscious of few more thousands of the same, I have no idea whom I will be then!
People might think they know, and often people say they are good, they love thing, they love others, they don’t like one thing or another…they have friends, they enjoy reading….and this is who they are. But is it really true? For example…being good !…if you were ever put in the extreme situation of having to save your dearest ones, your children, your life by having to murder another innocent person , would you do it? There are people who will do it without blinking , most of the people will do it but will be marked for life , and very few people who will not do it. But would you do it? You don’t know. And if you would do it, would it be a bad or a good thing? Whom would you be then? A cold blooded murderer or someone full of love (for his close ones)?
I hate bitter taste…and often it makes me gag…but yet I love coffee without sugar, and I don’t know what else that tastes bitter I would like as I didn’t try everything out there. Can that be me, the guy who hates bitter, but yet he likes few bitter things? if that were true and I was that guy, that won’t define me very well. I do or I don’t like bitter? I don’t know…I know I don’t like some things I have tried already that were bitter and that is all.
So my answer to this question is – I HAVE NO CLUE ! All I can do is educate my mind for my inner self to know who I am at every given moment. Not control my soul, my heart, my body or my instincts with my EGO, but be as conscious as I can of everything that my existence throws at me and have faith my subconscious self will make the best out of everything else. I can stop trying to control everything and wake up every morning to start a fresh new day, with new challenges, pleasures, disappointments and whatever else might be and enjoy them all , but don’t hold on to them, as there will be another day coming where I will miss the new for holding on to the old. Love with passion and fall so I can get up more aware of were I step. I can Dream big, I can hope and I can desire.
I am what my life is !
(I hope this makes some sense to you and your comments are always welcomed…just don’t mind my poor writing skills. And just so you know, in the last image I was about 14kg heavier than now )