Reflections on Self – Love & Fear !


“At any moment in time, we are faced with two, and only two, choices. Although circumstances may appear to present a myriad of choices, or even no choice at all, if you look deeply enough you will realize that the basic choice is always there. We may choose the path of Love or the path of Fear.


So why do we often opt for fear? Because from the Fear’s standpoint, love can be terrifying. Love requires that we give up control. Fear allows us to seemingly maintain a certain degree of control. Love can make us vulnerable, or so we think. Fear allows us to keep the illusion that, by maintaining vigilance, we can logically determine the best course of action, and protect ourselves, if necessary.

Choosing Love means that we have to “expose” ourselves, including what we perceive as our weaknesses and, therefore, open ourselves up to possible manipulation and pain. Most of us have painful memories of, after opening ourselves up to Love, being hurt and/or disappointed by those we trusted most. When we are hurt and manipulated by those we love, our trust is shattered. We feel violated. The fear then leads to anger. We swear we will never allow ourselves to be so vulnerable again. We chastise ourselves for being so “stupid” as to trust in the first place. And so the Fear has the ammunition it needs to get us to begin building “walls” which we think will protect us from future pain. What the Fear doesn’t tell us is that, by building these walls, we prevent ourselves from receiving the love we truly want and deserve. That’s why, after a time of recovery, we usually decide to again “take a chance” on love. However, the Fear is not about to give up without a fight. Therefore, although we think we are opening up to Love again, we withhold a little of the trust that we had given so freely before. Then, if we get hurt again, we retreat even more firmly into the Ego’s world of fear and control. And so a vicious cycle is set into motion.


Because the force of Love is so powerful, after a time, we again realize that we cannot live without it and decide (again) to “take a chance”. The Fear, remembering the hurt from before, wages an all out war against Love. It will do everything in its power to keep the “protective walls” in place. In fact, it will do everything possible to fortify them. That includes “sabotaging” the new relationship by bringing up fears from the past in order to poison the new relationship and show you that it knows what is best for you. Protection at all costs. What the Fear won’t tell you, of course, is that this is the way it maintains its control over you. In fact, this is the way it maintains its existence. The Fear realizes that without its control there is no reason for you to need it. Love can supply all your needs. Hence, if you allow LOVE to guide you totally, there is no need for Fear. So, in truth, the Fear is fighting for its very life. And it can be utterly ruthless in its battle to survive. But do not think that, upon realizing this, you must now wage an all-out war against the Fear. First of all, it is a war you cannot win because you would be fighting it on the Fear’s turf, and on the Fear’s terms, so to speak.The Fear wants you to stay away from LOVE. It actually is trying to help you by protecting you from additional pain and suffering. However, it is also protecting itself, protecting its own existence, and it will fight for its survival in any way it can – even if that means hurting you in the process. So please don’t hate the Fear. Just realize that this is why we build and fortify the “walls” that are meant to keep us safe. And realize that, only by letting down the walls, can LOVE fully enter our consciousness.


One response

  1. Jamie's Esthetics

    impressed. 🙂 the words you wrote above are pretty accurate regarding the cycle we go through. I have felt much of the above. AND I agree… letting go of the fear and finding “LOVE” as the one real ‘thing’ it will bring in happiness, and good. It might not always be in the exact way you had hoped or expected… but, it’s still pretty amazing. 🙂
    (maybe that’s the part of letting go… realizing it’s not important to control)

    April 28, 2013 at 17:42

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