I have never been superstitious. My Santa was blown away and destroyed by my cousin’s sweater that I was unfortunate enough to see under that very cheap and unrealistic Santa suit he was wearing when I was about 5 years old. Then god disappeared when I asked from him to help others around me, save their life and take care of those helpless children…and yet every single time I could find that one more is gone. And then the horoscope came and went just like a buzz passing by my ear …the black cat…the horseshoe…and so on.
But then , one day, I have discovered the idea of Destiny. For a little while it look vague enough to believe inn, simple to understand… Just blame it all not on an invisible person, not on a thing , but on Destiny. I can actually admit it did help a bit , at my worst , to find an explanation for the bad, for the good…for my stupidity and insecurities. It provided the comfort I needed while being an ignorant and foolish teen, rebelling against the world . It gave me the excuses I was so badly looking for and validated my poor decisions and lack of knowledge and even the lack of interest for anything with some intellectual meaning.
Thou, in time, and with some more will and self education, with books and other things foreign to this new generation these days, I grew out of believing in this nothingness that Destiny seems to be. But the questions remain.
I does seem that some void, some “nothing”, or maybe the universal chaos, has a way to interfere were we are certain that we’ve planned perfectly, were we knew that nothing can change the outcome and yet somehow, something made it change. Something brings the luck we so badly need sometimes, and then it takes it away just as easy. Sometimes our prayers look like they’ve been answered and ,more often than we would like, they seem to be falling on nobody’s ears.
And what that might be? Destiny? Coincidence? Some sort of god..one of the many hindu ones…or maybe the Christian and Muslim one…Jesus, Buddha, Moses, Ra, …maybe some little devil just playing with his tail to draw us in his little circle of evil?
Us humans, we will probably battle these questions for as long as humankind will exist. We can not help it…The need to be cared for and protected somehow and feel special is embedded deep down in the core of our being, therefore we will always wonder who or what takes such a (in my opinion very poor, but for the sake of this post…) good care of us.
An answer that we might never get. My only hope will be to never stop looking for it. Because on the way we might just find out that, no matter how well we plan, no matter how smart we think we are or how well we can live, control and take care of our life, or our future, no matter whom do we want to love and marry or whatever deity we chose to pray to , there will always be something or somebody, that universal chaos, that dark (or white) energy, that unknown constant that makes its way into everything we do and (apparently …or so some people say ) splits everything almost in half. We get good and we get bad…we succeed and we fail, we have white and we have black, happiness and sadness, we are born and we die. Everything just seems to have its exact opposite other thing that somehow balances all we know, and does such a great job at making this short and amazing life interesting and beautiful, exciting and full of surprises.
(just some older images…and don’t be shy…comment ..you can only make it better)